Blood Song: The First Book of Lharmell Read online

He shook his head. ‘I can’t.’

  ‘What do you mean, you can’t? You run this place and you can’t see that my sister conveniently goes on holiday before things get blown sky-high?’

  ‘That’s correct.’

  His coolness angered me. It was my sister’s life we were talking about, and he was acting as if I was asking him to pass the salt. I gave up bargaining and resorted to threats. ‘Yes, you can. You will. Or I’m going to stay and kick up a fuss about the ring. About everything.’

  ‘Suit yourself. No one will believe you. And it’s not as if you’ll find any evidence now. I’ve been more careful since I found you under my bed.’

  Threats weren’t working. I tried to appeal to his humanity; what was left of it, at any rate. ‘Where’s your compassion? Have the Lharmellins taken it all?’

  I could see this was irritating him rather than persuading him. He pitched his voice low and leaned towards me. ‘If you’re so noble and good,’ he said, ‘why haven’t you told everyone what I am already? Or what you suspected about yourself even before you got in that carriage? Why would you keep such things to yourself? Could it possibly have been because it was in your own best interests?’

  ‘I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Getting everyone into.’

  ‘Rubbish. You’ve been suffering the hunger for years. And you don’t know why, do you? Let me guess. It started when you were twelve, thirteen? Mild at first, but it has increased as you’ve travelled northwards?’

  It had started around the time of my first bleeding. How did he know such a thing? But Lilith was foremost in my mind.

  ‘So you won’t help me?’

  He studied my face. ‘Can you even make it back to Amentia? You’ve come so close to Lharmell. There will be a lot of pain if you try to leave.’

  I nodded. I would try, for Lilith’s sake. I had felt a little of that pain already. As long as I had laudanum I would be able to make it.

  ‘And if I try to make sure that Lilith’s safe, you’ll go home quietly?’

  ‘Promise. You need to promise she’ll be safe.’

  ‘I can’t promise anything. But between Amis and me, she should be safe.’

  I nodded. I trusted Amis.

  Rodden was grave for a moment, and then gave me a rueful smile. ‘You’ve given me quite a run for my money. You might even be strong enough to stay put in Amentia, what do you think?’

  That was rich, considering he was the one who’d drawn me here. ‘If I’m left in peace,’ I said tartly. But in an odd way, I would miss him. Like a good sparring partner, he seemed to bring out the best in me. Despite the uncertainty and fear of the past weeks, I had felt more alive than I ever had in my life. I was tempted to tell him so as he stood before me, all his sarcasm and prickliness gone. He leaned against the tree, his eyes still on my face. I felt my face grow warm under his gaze, and I couldn’t help wondering how it would have been if circumstances were different – if we weren’t enemies, for one. ‘Rodden . . .’ I began.

  ‘Yoo-hoo! Darlings!’ It was Rupa. She’d spotted us and was coming over. ‘Are we to have another wedding before the year is out?’ She thought she’d caught a pair of lovers in a tryst behind a tree.

  He bowed. ‘Perhaps, madam,’ he said, and offered me his arm.

  I thought Rodden would disappear as soon as I was seated back at the table, but he sat down next to me. We kept a careful silence for a while, but the beautiful day and festive mood softened us, and I soon found he was passing me dishes and filling my glass as if we were the lovers Rupa had flushed from the garden.

  ‘Where are Leap and Griffin?’ he asked.

  ‘In my room. Lilith doesn’t like them much so I thought it best they didn’t come to the wedding.’

  ‘Call them down.’

  ‘They’re too far away. They won’t hear me.’

  ‘With your mind. Like I showed you.’

  I looked at him doubtfully. I hadn’t tried the mind-calling thing again. I didn’t believe I could do it.

  ‘Go on,’ he urged. ‘Close your eyes if it helps. Picture them as if you’re in the same room, show them a picture of where you are, and ask them to come to you.’

  I closed my eyes. In my mind’s eye I saw them in my room; Leap curled up on the bed, Griffin nodding off on the bedpost. The gardens, I thought with all my might. Come to the gardens? They both sat up and looked around, as if hearing something far off. Then the picture faded.

  ‘Did it work?’ he asked.

  I looked around. ‘You tell me.’ I felt silly and stabbed my fork into some beans. Then the court gave a collective gasp and I looked up to see Griffin flying low over the tables, fast as an arrow. She wheeled and dove again. With each pass the gasps grew louder. Then Rodden threw a quail into the air and she caught it in her talons, and everyone applauded.

  I heard a trill at my feet and looked down. Big green eyes stared up at me. ‘Leap!’ He jumped into my lap and started sniffing at my plate. I looked at him in wonderment. ‘It actually worked.’

  Rodden shrugged. ‘Of course.’ He made it sound as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

  ‘Rodden!’ King Askar stood, brandishing a wine glass. He looked a little drunk. ‘There you are, my boy. I’ve just remembered: you promised to give that pretty girl whatever she desired, and the poor thing has had nothing from you.’

  I raised my hand and opened my mouth, about to explain about the ring, but Rodden grabbed it and held it under the table. Oh, right. It was a secret.

  ‘Your Majesty,’ said Rodden. ‘We were just discussing it. In honour of her departure with her mother, Zeraphina would like a ball, the day after tomorrow. A masquerade ball.’

  A dance? If I wished for anything it wouldn’t be a silly dance. But, as usual, Rodden had made it impossible for me to protest as the king and court were already laughing and clapping their approval.

  Rodden was still holding my hand under the table. I was surprised that his touch didn’t make me uncomfortable; I didn’t shy away, afraid that he could sense what I was through his skin. But then, he already knew. Again, I felt myself wishing things had been different between us. I wouldn’t have to hide my true nature from a man who already knew what I was.

  ‘I would have preferred a new bow,’ I said quietly, pulling my hand from his grasp. There was no point wishing for something that could never be.

  ‘Most girls prefer dances.’

  ‘I’m not most girls.’

  ‘I’ve noticed,’ he said, looking at the hand I’d taken from him, now resting on the table.

  I sat back, gazing around at the tables. Everyone was having such a good time, talking and laughing. Celebrating. Lilith and Amis were in a crowd of well-wishers, opening pretty coloured gifts. Renata had been cornered by the aunts, but she didn’t look too upset about it. The four were screeching away about something. Rodden and I were conspicuous by our subdued manner, the only ones talking and eating quietly.

  Rodden followed my gaze around the party.

  ‘I wish you would just tell me what was going on. I’d feel much better about leaving Lilith if I knew.’

  ‘I’ve told you that I’ll guard her. You’ll have to be content with that.’

  ‘But if I only knew I might be able to put it out of my mind.’

  ‘You’re reasoning makes no sense,’ he scoffed.

  ‘Yes, it does. I’m a very curious person. I’d be able to forget about –’

  ‘Drop it, Zeraphina.’ The frown had returned to his brow.

  I was silent until Carmelina took me away for a walk. ‘I had to get away from that table. I was eating myself into oblivion! And you looked like you needed rescuing from Rodden. He looks so morbid today,’ she said when we were out of earshot.

  ‘Yes, he’s in a bad mood. As usual. Thanks.’ We walked towards the sundial on the far side of the grounds.

  ‘When I looked over earlier you were chatting quite nicely. What happened?’ She was needling me for gossip
. Ever since Rodden announced the tournament people had been whispering about a secret engagement.

  ‘We don’t really chat. We’ve reached a sort of understanding, I guess.’

  ‘What, he gives you your ring back and you stop telling everyone he’s a spy?’

  I reddened. I’d forgotten my outburst to Carmelina at the markets. ‘Something like that,’ I muttered.

  Carmelina gave me a sidelong glance. ‘You know, I think I’ll miss you, Zeraphina. You’re the most interesting thing to happen around here for a long time. That tournament! My heart was in my mouth the whole time. At first I thought he was going to let you win, but you should have seen the strain on his face. He must really want to marry you.’ Carmelina flopped down on a bench, eyeing me carefully.

  I plucked a yellow flower and began tearing it to shreds. ‘No. He just wanted to win, same as me.’ I wanted to tell Carmelina that if she was bored after I left, all she needed to do was look up into the night sky. The Lharmellins certainly weren’t going to bore anyone.

  ‘Excuse me, ladies.’

  I turned and saw Rodden.

  ‘I was hoping I could borrow Zeraphina for a moment.’

  ‘Oh, borrow away.’ Carmelina flashed me a knowing smile.

  He held out his arm, and after a moment I took it. Carmelina was being a pain, anyway.

  Rodden led me away from the feast into a darker part of the grounds where I’d never been before. The laughter and voices disappeared behind us, muffled by distance and foliage. I could hear only the twittering of birds. I wondered if I should be afraid, but Rodden had that look on his face, the one he’d had earlier when we’d just been ourselves, and not enemies.

  ‘Where are you taking me?’

  ‘Shh,’ he admonished.

  We didn’t seem to be on any sort of path, and had to keep ducking under ferns and trailing willows as we made our way into thicker undergrowth. Just before Rodden pulled away a palm frond, he turned to me and put his finger to his lips.

  We stepped into a little glade. The sunlight filtered through the canopy and lay dappled on the grass. He stood behind me, hands on my shoulders, directing my gaze.

  ‘Wait,’ he murmured.

  Then, out of the darkness, shy as anything, stepped a beautiful blue bird. It was the peacock. With dainty steps it made its way to the middle of the glade, its feathery golden tail trailing over the grass. It paused, as if posing for us. Then it slowly raised its tail and it spread like a fan. I gasped, despite the caution to be silent. It was even more beautiful close up. Hundreds of blue and green eyes shimmered in the afternoon light. The peacock stood for a moment, as if knowing it was being admired, and then slowly lowered its tail and disappeared back into the bushes.

  ‘Oh, it’s so beautiful,’ I cried, turning to Rodden. ‘It doesn’t seem real. It’s like somebody crafted it out of jewels and feathers.’

  Rodden was smiling down at me, and I sensed unspoken words.

  ‘What?’ I asked.

  He shook his head and led me back to the wedding feast. By the time we were nearing the tables, I felt my good mood seep away. Lilith. Lharmell. It all came rushing back to me. Rodden must have seen the look on my face because he stopped and turned to me.

  ‘Did you forget? Just for a moment?’ He nodded his head in the direction we had come.

  I realised he was referring to the peacock. I had forgotten the whole sorry mess, just for a moment. I grinned up at him. ‘Yes, I did. For the very first time.’ He smiled too, and we were smiling at each other out of genuine happiness. That was a first too. And then I realised, looking at him, I had forgotten again. And I began to laugh.

  ––

  Just as Renata had predicted, there was a bedsheet hanging in the great hall the next morning, proof to everyone that Lilith had been a virgin on her wedding night. I sat next to her on the dais and helped myself to fruit.

  ‘I’m so embarrassed,’ Lilith hissed. ‘Do you think they can take it down yet?’ She looked a little pink but happy, too.

  I gave her a nudge. ‘How was it?’ She’d been as white as her flimsy nightgown when everyone had crowded into Amis’s bedchamber the previous night to tuck in the bride and groom.

  Lilith blushed again and smiled. ‘It was . . . nice. I mean, I knew what to expect, sort of, but at the same time I didn’t. Hush now, Amis is coming.’

  As Amis came up to the high table, everyone gathered in the hall erupted into lewd cheers and catcalls. Lilith ducked her face behind her hand.

  Rodden hadn’t appeared yet and I desperately wanted to talk to him. Before the applause died down, I slipped away and out a side door, making my way to the northern turret. At the top of the stairs, I knocked on the banister to announce my arrival, and to prove that I wasn’t there to snoop.

  ‘What?’ came the response.

  ‘It’s, uh, just me.’ I came into the room.

  Rodden was at his desk poring over some books which he immediately closed. ‘I told you. I hid all the evidence.’

  ‘Very funny.’ I sat on the edge of his desk, peering at the spines of the books. He turned them away from me. ‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘Habit.’

  ‘What do you want?’ It seemed Rodden had given up brooding just for the wedding and now he was back to his normal, irate self.

  ‘I need a favour.’

  ‘Now, there’s a surprise.’

  ‘Why are you always so grumpy?’

  ‘Why are you always so annoying?’

  I shrugged. ‘Enjoy it while you can. I’ll be gone the day after tomorrow.’

  He sat silently, his arms folded. Waiting.

  ‘I need you to get me some of that laudanum stuff. A big bottle. Enough to knock me out till I get to Amentia.’

  ‘Certainly not. Laudanum is highly addictive. You’ll be hooked after a week. I thought you said you were strong enough to do this.’

  ‘Conscious, you mean? Are you joking? I go into cold sweats just thinking about it.’

  ‘You have to try. You can’t take laudanum for the rest of your life. You’ll turn into a zombie.’

  ‘A zombie is better than a harming.’

  He narrowed his eyes at me. ‘You have no idea what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Then tell me and I will.’

  He sighed. We were back to that old argument.

  When he spoke again his voice was softer. ‘You forgot yesterday. Twice. I could see it in your eyes.’

  I looked at my hands in my lap. At the rings on my thumbs. Yesterday, I had forgotten because of him. ‘I don’t think I can do it by myself.’

  ‘Come on, Zeraphina. You’re stronger than that.’

  I looked out an arrow slit. I could see the sea from this height; the northern horizon.

  ‘Oh, all right,’ he said. He went to the bench. There was the clink of glass as he searched among various bottles. He came back and put a very small vial into my hand. ‘It’s enough for one dose. Swallow it just before you get into the carriage. All of it at once. And don’t tell your mother.’ He closed my hand around it. ‘And then try to forget everything. Marry someone in the south. Far, far to the south.’

  I nodded. ‘Thank you.’

  He held my hand for a moment longer. ‘All right.’ He looked back to his books and I knew I’d been dismissed. I hovered for a moment, wondering if that was it; if the last time I ever saw him I would be looking at the top of his head. ‘Bye,’ I muttered, and turned away.

  I emerged at the bottom of the stairs, tucking the tiny bottle of oblivion into my sleeve.

  ––

  I was sitting on the terrace when the knock came at the door. It was the morning of the ball being thrown in my honour, and I was trying to come up with a way of getting out of it. I wasn’t in the mood for a dance. A book lay forgotten in my lap and a cold glass of water was sweating at my elbow. Leap was basking in the sun, belly-up to catch the rays. Griffin had disappeared, but in my mind’s eye I could see her circling over the wilderness that grew t
o the north of the grounds. I was getting better at this mind-communication thing. It would be my one comfort on the journey home, after the laudanum had worn off.

  ‘Zeraphina!’ Renata called. ‘There’s something here for you.’

  A huge paper box was perched on the ottoman, done up with a gold ribbon.

  ‘Who is it from?’ I asked.

  ‘How should I know?’

  I pulled the ribbon off and opened the box. Underneath layers of tissue was a mask: it was a costume for the masquerade ball. Renata had already found me a plain silver mask to wear with one of my dresses, but this was something else. It was heavy and golden, and instead of a nose it had a beak. From the eye-holes dripped tears of diamonds.

  Underneath the mask was a dress, and I pulled it out. It was of the richest blue satin, with a tailored bodice like an Amentine gown and a long train. The train was made of golden feathers, dotted with hundreds of blue and green eyes. ‘It’s a peacock costume.’ I thought of the creature’s plaintive cries, so beautiful and yet so sad. The diamond tears on the mask made sense now.

  ‘I can see that. Who is it from?’

  There was no note. But I knew. ‘It’s from Rodden.’

  ‘Oh, really.’ She pursed her lips. ‘Doesn’t he know that only the male peacocks are blue? Peahens are brown.’

  I shrugged, transfixed by the beautiful dress. ‘It doesn’t matter. It’s just a costume.’ I took the whole package to my room and closed the door. As soon as I’d seen the dress I’d known what Rodden was trying to tell me: the peacock was a reminder that I could put the Lharmellins out of my mind if I really wanted to. It was strange that he’d drawn me northwards only to want to send me back almost immediately. Strange and infuriating. But I had his assurance that he and Amis would keep Lilith safe, and their union meant my people wouldn’t starve.

  I still didn’t have the answers I craved. But with these comforts, and the tiny bottle of laudanum to help me, I could find the strength to go home.

  ELEVEN

  Now that Lilith was safely married, my mother could turn to her Next Big Project: me.

  ‘You haven’t met nearly enough men,’ she reproached as Eugenia expertly did my hair. She swept my hair off my neck into a twist, and little golden clips studded with blue-green jewels were placed among my curls.